chickenhearted | the dreaded overflow

[ He gives some silence of his own, trying to process that last statement there. ]

Thesa? What do you mean to "fix you"?

[ He didn't honestly think he could give an answer like that and not have Waver question it, did he? ]

[He's not sure what he feels yet, what he thinks he wants to say. Not saying anything is always the easiest option. Always. And it can't backfire in his face, it...can't.]

They...the kidnappers. They killed me, I guess. And then I told the people I live with that they didn't, but everyone still looks at me funny.

[He didn't mean to say so much, but once he starts talking the words spill out of his mouth so easily.]

Don't laugh. It's really annoying.

[ Waver's quiet at first, though there's the sound of him drawing in his breath. He doesn't say anything for a solid span of seconds, like he's trying to figure out if he heard Dylas correctly first. ]

They killed you? And ... and now you're back alive? I mean, how... why— [ Why is he back, why did they kill him in the first place, Waver is full of questions now. ]

Idiot. Why would I laugh about something like that!?

Why? Is that the part you're having a hard time with? I know we butt heads, but that hurts.

[He knows that's not what Waver means, but Dylas is horrible at making jokes and picking the time for them. He's happy Waver is still talking at all. The relief is in his voice, too, because he'd been afraid after that pause that Waver might go quiet on him for good. What is this stupid friendship? It's stupid. He likes it.]

I don't...I wouldn't laugh if you died either, I'm just no good at talking about this. But I need to say something, don't I? So what the hell should I say?

[What will make him feel better? By the last question, his voice feels a little like a sob, but he hasn't raised it at all. He's not angry.]

I'm having a hard time with all of it, thank you very much!

[ He doesn't get the joke at all. He's just defensive that Dylas is calling him out at all. Yes, their friendship is a very special one. But Waver sighs a bit, feeling bad for getting defensive now, especially with the change in Dylas's voice. What should he say? Waver has never died, so he wouldn't know. No one should know that kind of thing... ]

I... think it's good you're talking about it. But as for what you should say, I can't tell you that. I can only listen and try to offer my support...

[ It's all he has to give, but he's willing to give it, even if Dylas is a jerk sometimes. ]

...Yeah. I...guess you would, huh? It's a lot to just...spit at someone.

[There's no apology in his words, but his tone has changed again. He's struggling. He's more withdrawn there, his words quiet and apologetic even if he hasn't outright said anything to that effect yet. He's never had to call a friend to 'vent' like this. He didn't even know Waver was his 'friend' until this very second.]

I don't know what kind of support I want, Waver. I told the people I'm living with that I almost died, so they don't even know. I'd rather forget this whole thing happened, but when I close my eyes...it comes back to me like a bad pain in my tail.

It kind of is... but I'm glad you told me.

[ Somehow. It gives him reason to worry, and he hates worrying, but somehow it feels better when it's worrying about a friend. That's something he also didn't realize he had until this second. They're stupid.

He nods, making a sound of agreement. That's something he understands at least. There's an image that always plays in his mind... the death of someone else, but a bad image all the same that just plays again and again when he gives himself too much room to think. ]

Maybe it will help that you've told someone then. The... least I can do is listen. And then it won't be so heavy on your mind. Probably. I'm not... good at this.

You're glad? If I got this kind of call, I'd hang up.

[That's just his gruffness coming through. If he were on the other end of a call like this, he'd be so fraught with worry he wouldn't be able to sleep. He'd probably cry. Waver has seen what a mess of contrasting emotions he is. If he's not angry, he's four different things at once.

But after a laugh that comes across as forced and scornful, he exhales. Waver wants to listen? He's not sure what good that will do, but he's probably better at this than he is.]

They hypnotized us or something. I don't think the door was even locked. We could've left at any time. My head hasn't felt right since, like...something's not there anymore.

I guess I know not to call you then if this ever happens to me.

[ Is that his attempt at a joke? It kind of is. He probably wouldn't call anyone, because despite saying that Dylas should let it all out, Waver would probably keep it bottled up to himself. He's not used to turning to anyone for help. That may be why he's so awkward at being comforting too. ]

Was that before or after you... [ died... ] I mean, did they do something?

[ He wants to know the purpose of hypnotizing some people and possibly taking something from them. And why were they chosen? And would they come for others next? He has so many questions, but doesn't want to overload Dylas. He just wants him to go at his own pace and say what he wants to say. ]

Good. I don't want you waking me up in the middle of the night.

[Even though they're joking (or at least, he is, and he hopes Waver knows that), he doesn't feel much better. If Waver were to take him seriously and feel scared off, that would be so frustrating. It hurts a little to not say "I'm only kidding," but he keeps talking instead.

Feelings are the worst.]

That was before I died. They'd call us into rooms, and...beat us, I guess. I'm pretty strong, but I guess someone shot me on my way out. A few times. I didn't even feel it until the end.

As if I would...

[ His joking voice is a bit weak, but he's still trying. Truth is he may end up calling Dylas one of these days yet. But they'd get to that when they got to it. Feelings really are the worst, though.

Yet he's trying to contain his own and listen to Dylas's, trying to find a way to comfort him though he has no idea how. Those words are upsetting to say the least, and his own voice is a little shaky when he replies. ]

That's horrible. And did they even tell you why?

Maybe they did. I was pretty out of it. They could've told us everything and maybe we'd have no way of knowing.

[He's shrugging on the other end and realizing Waver can't see him shrug. But he likes hearing that it's horrible. It's better to hear it from someone else's mouth than talk about how awful it is himself. He's not a particularly whiny guy unless he's annoyed.

But hearing Waver's voice so shaky...that spooks him.]

I haven't asked around about what happened much. I came back to life yesterday, so...I've had other things to do. Like make sure you didn't get your ass kicked, too.

That's ... cowardly of them.

[ He's mad on Dylas and the others' behalf. If you're going to hurt someone, they should know why, even though the entire thing just sounds terrible. He really does wish he knew what to say that would make Dylas feel better. But he's at a loss for words. ]

Maybe someone else will have some answers, and that will help too. [ He sighs audibly and shakes his head even though Dylas can see it. Maybe he can feel it. It's implied. ] Yeah, I'm fine.

... Thanks, for worrying about me.

You're telling me. If I ever get the chance, I'm punching all their teeth out.

[He's serious, too. He hasn't felt the same ever since. There are cuts on his arms from where he clawed himself just to 'pass the time' or whatever they had him doing in there. He also didn't eat. He still feels hungry.

But none of that matters compared to this feeling that someone's had their hand in his mind and taken something. He remembers Waver has similar powers, too, but he's seen him naked so it's not really that terrifying.]

Huh? [That's what he says when he's thanked. He hadn't been expecting it at all.] Yeah. ...Yeah. Thanks for hanging in there, then.

They'd deserve that and more.

[ He's a firm believer of revenge. And he hopes that Dylas gets it, if it was all that terrible as it sounds.

The way Dylas reacted when Waver said he could manipulate memories did cross his mind when Dylas said they did something to him. Because of that, he can only imagine how horrifying it must be for him. And even then, he doesn't think he can imagine it very well at all. That's how bad it must have been. ]

Of course I'm "hanging in there". [ hmph. he made a promise to someone after all and he can't fulfill it dead. ] But you ... you should be more careful too.

...Yeah. They do, huh?

[For the first time since they started talking, there's more lift to his voice. Getting Dylas to emote in his voice at all is already difficult, but at a time like this? He's happy to bond over a shared interest for revenge.

He'd even let Waver punch one of them.]

You're right. I'll try not to be kidnapped so often. My mistake.

For sure.

[ Waver would gladly punch one of them. And then run for cover while Dylas did the rest, so he didn't get punched in return, or something like that. But he would definitely punch one for the honor of his friend.

He snorts softly. ]

Hey, I mean it! If you didn't come back one time then I'd— plenty of people would be really upset. So you have to take care of yourself.

["I'd" and "Plenty of people."

Dylas falls quiet when Waver says that. For a moment, he remembers how he met Waver. He'd bullied him for being lewd, more or less. He knows his roommate has had issues with his bullying, too. Would anyone really be upset if he didn't show back up?

...Well, the reactions so far prove that, but.]

It's...not easy for me to believe that sometimes. But I guess you're right.

[He remembers a time, even before the Storm, where he was so bored with life that it was impossible to think about keeping going.]

[ Waver flushes, quiet on his own end save for his breathing. He's just gone and basically admitted he cares about somebody, and would care if they weren't there anymore. Maybe he's attracted to people who bully him and somehow makes friendships out of it. That seems to be his record so far. But eventually, in the silence, he softens a bit and just sort of accepts it. Yeah. He'd miss Dylas if he wasn't around. ]

Of course I'm right. So... so you're not allowed to go anywhere.

[ He knows from experience it might not be easy, but now he's demanding it of Dylas. Typical Waver, really, but he means well. ]

[He didn't miss that Waver admitted that, he's just not sure how to respond. After so many rocky meetings, he didn't know what to expect from calling him. The choice he made was partially because...well, Waver had been intimate with him. By choice or not, it meant part of Dylas' wall just ceased to exist because they were forced to break it together. It's weird, but it works.

On the other end, maybe he's smiling just a little. He doesn't realize it because it's not something he does, but...]

I won't go anywhere.

[Hngh.]

It might...be a while before I see you again. I don't know what I'm doing. But I'll be here.

[ Waver breathes out in relief to hear Dylas say that. Even if it's not something you can actually promise, it feels good to hear. He's decided he would be really upset if something happened to Dylas, despite all the bullying and awkwardness they've been through together. He actually smiles a little on his end too, but it's just a quick secret sort of smile. ]

Good.

[ He pauses again, nodding even though it can't be seen. Yeah, he understands it might be a while before they meet again. That's just how it is around here, especially when you decided to put roots down in opposite cities. But... they will meet again. That's what matters. ]

I get it. It's fine. I'll be here too. Whenever you need to call.

the dreaded overflow

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cw: depression

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